Happy, funny, giggly, enthusiastic, positive, upbeat, energetic.
All words used to describe me by friends, colleagues (when I once worked).
Yeah, I know, right?
I think a lot of friends would be surprised to know that deep down, if I am honest, I mean really, really honest, I am an angry person. Not bitter, but angry. I feel like if someone is described as bitter they are hell-bent on warning others of their misfortunes; by that definition, I am NOT bitter. Angry.
Perhaps a little cynical.
Definitely manic.
I am feeling manic, a little crazy, for the past 2 weeks. I’ve noticed I have started about 5 different projects and am unable to focus on anything or complete anything even if it’s something as simple as a load of laundry.
I have 4 books I am reading right now. 3 are on childhood development/psychology and a fiction book called “The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ” by Philip Pullman. It is laughable that I am even checking books out at this point. I mean I have a 7 week old and a 2 year old and no time to even eat, take a shower (save for this) and here I am thinking I am going to read 4 books in a two week period. RIGHT.
I miss my old life sometimes. The one where I sat in bed and painted my nails while I read magazines and watched the Bravo TV channel while nursing a hangover. Really though, I think, was it all that glamorous after all? No. I was still angry inside.
That’s the point. I want to know WHY I am angry, short tempered. Better yet WHY I hide it so well. Even better, how do I get RID of it. I know I have issues in the past that need to be dealt with. I’d love to go through therapy again and really work on that, fix myself.
