Forget Me, Not?

Hai! How you be?

Yes, I know. I haven’t written in what seems like forever, at least to me, but it’s only been a little over a week in blog land. I’ll be honest. I’ve been writing but didn’t feel like it was “publishable”. Everything is fine and dandy. I am doing measurably better over the last few days. You know what? I put too many pressures and expectations on myself and then fail to see the value in even trying again when I don’t succeed perfectly the first time. Doesn’t everyone though? I also fail at accepting who I am and how I am different than other mothers and women and am constantly comparing myself to them. I think these are very common themes in life but with me, as of late, they have become almost debilitating obsessions causing serious depression. That with what I think are normal pregnancy type hormone fluctuations and anxieties…well, let’s just say that I have been in pretty bad shape. I have help and a good support system in place right now and I’m working at getting better.

Pregnancy Stuff:

My baby shower is this weekend! I’ll be busy this week preparing for that. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

Out little baby is growing, growing, growing! Isn’t it funny? I hadn’t really thought about holding him in my arms until the last few weeks. Not sure why (surreal?) but now it is all I can think about. That and how he will look. I wonder if my dominant dark haired and eyes win out against Alan’s dirty blond and bright blue eyes? Will he be a big baby? Everyone keeps telling me we’ll have a big baby. I am 5′10 and big boned and Alan is 6′4 and a pretty big guy, too. We’re still flip-flopping on names.

You know, I really thought I would have some cravings with this pregnancy and I’ve had a few, but nothing too intense. Out of everything the thing that keeps me running to the store lately is Kix cereal and Diet Pepsi (not together). DIET PEPSI. I was always a Coke or Diet Coke girl until lately.

I hate to talk about the physical effects of the pregnancy because I’m afraid I’ll jinx myself. I’d really like to have a record of it though so I can remember….so here’s the run down: I am finding it very uncomfortable to bend over lately and my toes are in desperate need of a polish change. Having mild backaches that come and go throughout the day and will sometimes catch me when I get up from a sitting position. Occasionally my hips will hurt SO BAD when I wake up but it normally goes away within an hour of waking up. I mean, it hurts really bad! Apparently this is pretty normal though. My voice is always hoarse as of lately and I think it’s either constant sinus drainage or heartburn. It always feels like something is stuck in my throat and I’m always coughing. I’m going to have to mention that to the doctor. Out of everything this sore throat and the clearing of my throat all day is the most annoying of all!

So, I hope everyone is doing well at that you haven’t forgotten me! I hope to be back in the swing of things soon.

31 weeks, 2 days.