Just Another Panic Sunday

What a cluster*uck of a day. Just emotional. No one is hurt, everyone is fine, all is well, you know, the normal.

Pregnancy hormones got the best of me again or at least that’s what I’m blaming it on.

I could not sleep at all Saturday night going in to Sunday morning. I know, big surprise. I’m 7 months pregnant and I am not a phenom. The strangest thing was I was so comfortable and at ease, sleepy and content and all was perfect, I just could not stay asleep for more than an hour and a half, max, at a time. Of course every time I woke up I felt it worth my time to visit the toilet since I was awake anyway. Then I was worried I was waking everyone up in the house with my toilet flushes and door closes all night long. Did I mention I’m at my in-laws this weekend? My little 11 week old nephew is here too and the last thing I wanted to do was wake him up.

So yea. Didn’t get a good nights sleep. Woke up chipper around 7am and Alan and I got a cup of coffee. Had breakfast around 10am and that’s when I just felt weird, funny. Like I was going to pass out. So I excused myself and went up to take a short nap before we had to go to noon Mass. Took my blood pressure and it was low (117/68) and that made me feel better. I am super paranoid about developing preeclampsia.

Wake up from my mini nap and we’re running late for mass. I’m driving one of three vehicles and I back right into my new brother in laws brand new Passat. Okay. So I flip out. Several reasons: One; we are taking 3 car loads of people to mass. The other two car loads saw the incident including my NEW brother in law, Two; last time I was at my in laws I completely backed over two huge garden trays (not sure what you call them) that they had just planted and Three; my Father in Law is ANAL about his lawn and I always accidentally drive in the grass a bit. I have a complete flip out in front of my brother in law and his girlfriend and jump out of the car and make Alan drive. I’m sobbing all the way to Mass while they’re assuring me everything is okay. It really was okay. No damage done to either care, I was just so embarrassed and mad at myself.

Mass was the same old same old…I never get anything from it but I think that’s because I’ve tuned out due to my dislike of organized religion. It is what it is, just being honest. I’m totally grumpy in Mass, especially when we have to kneel and I get a cramp in my calf.

After Mass we stay for the Baptism for my nephew, Nathan. He is NOT excited about the whole thing. Let me take that back, he’s STARVING and is not happy he has to wait. He’s wailing, and wailing, and wailing…the priest is giving us prayers to repeat and I feel so left out because I don’t know them or believe in them and everyone else does. Then they do the confirmation deal where everyone repeats why they are Catholic, and again I’m left in the dark. I feel so isolated. And the baby is crying, crying, crying. Then I just start thinking “Oh my God, I will have a wailing baby in 13 weeks or less and how am I going to handle that and why haven’t Alan and I talked about the whole religion thing before now” and my breathing gets heavier, they’re taking pictures, I have tears in my eyes and I just want to escape before I have another melt down. The whole time I’m feeling guilty for being this way on my nephews baptism day which is totally unrelated to me and people are picking up on my energy and can tell I am not okay. I leave the chapel, sobbing, running to my car, Alan behind me. I’m hyperventilating, full panic mode. Not good for baby. On top of that it’s 97 degrees outside and I’m already feeling faint.

I calm down. Alan assures me everything is going to be okay, there is nothing we can’t handle together. I pull myself together.

At this point it’s 1:30pm. I ate breakfast at 9am. I’m starving. I’m told dinner is at 3:30. I cannot wait until 3:30 so I fix a plate of cantaloupe, cheese and pasta salad at which my Grandma in law glances at and loudly proclaims “Well, you’re not going to need to eat dinner after eating all of that!!!” I don’t say anything. I just call Alan in the kitchen for reinforcement because I think we all know what happens when someone stands between a pregnant woman and food when she’s hungry.

So..that was my day. Not the worst. And keep in mind I’m a bit of a drama queen but I really wanted to record the happenings of the day so that I can laugh about it in a few days.