The question in my head these days is where do I find the balance? Balance is everything. A little bit of this, a little bit of that….Adds up to not a lot of anything. That’s the way it should be.
Instead I find excess in everything.
The house is not in order.
Not just a little bit but by a lot.
I’m overweight.
We eat too much CRAP
We binge drink too often
Well…I could go on but I am stopping myself right now. No need to make this blog a violin themed pity party.
I’d like to regain control of my surroundings, myself, my life! And this is where I start feeling self centered. I have to make changes. I have to make life work for me and not the other way around.
I’m consumed by my want of material things. I honestly don’t need ANYTHING. But I find myself dragging items home at least once a week. A new blouse, lipgloss, lotion, shampoo. When I think about how much money I spend on trying to make myself appear beautiful it honestly disgusts me.
I need a hobby that is not ME. How funny is that?
I have some friends that would tell me to enjoy it while I can. They would tell me that when we have kids everything totally changes. I definitely believe them. The truth is, I am ready for that responsibility. Until then I am still going to work on myself. Surely only good things can happen from that.
I’m not talking about being perfect because I do not believe in perfectionism. I believe in better things to come. I want to get out of this rut, this self loathing rut. This scratch in the record keeps playing over and over and it’s driving me mad.
