New Blog Site, Don’t Forget!

I don’t want to lose my readers and blog friends just because I switched blog sites. Don’t forget to change your link or change me on your blogroll if you read me! http://thesnortinggigglesaurus.blogspot.com/

It lifts

When you see the darkness in the day and feel heavy and full of anxiety…all that make me lift up this evening was seeing my 6′4 husband laying on the floor with our month old little boy, babble talking with him.

It’s all good for a little while.

My husband thinks my anxiety and depression are due to not having a plan, not knowing what my future will be. Only now I know that I will ALWAYS be a mother and it’s throwing me for a loop. He tells me it doesn’t mean I can’t still do the things I wanted to do, it’ll just be more challenging but that we can always find a way.

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Seamless

The ease in which you shift seamless from role to role of levels of responsibility without ever thinking twice both amuses and frightens my uptight heart. Things that would wound me or baffle me to frustration and tears merely make you shrug your shoulders.

I’m amazed by you, day in and day out, with the world sitting on your shoulders. Yet you never make me feel less important. I don’t know how it’s possible you can do all you do and still be so calm, mellow, happy.

I knew that when I wanted to get married I wanted a man that would take charge and take care (of me). Say what you will about that statement but I grew up with a family that struggled with everything. I’ve already learned how to take care of myself by myself and quite frankly I’m not very good at it.

I have everything I want: The house, the car, the baby, the executive husband, the stay at home mom status and now I’m like…now what. I don’t know what my next step is but there has to be more for me. An occupation, a business, a book? I don’t know.

I feel disconnected from the world. I really miss home. Tulsa. The place I should be to live and stay and raise more babies. We’ll return one day I just know it. If not there, somewhere within a driving distance from my Mom. I refuse to have any more children until we move home or closer to home to me.

Be Still

There’s a satisfaction in going along with the story, playing along, when all along you know you’re going to do what you’re set out to do anyway, that you’ve already made your mind. It’s a hug of smugness and it keeps me warm, letting others thing they have a hand in what I’m doing. The best part is there’s nothing they can do to you, they can’t make you. What are they going to do? Just deal.

The wall goes up. The wall does not always come down.

I’m reclaiming me. But ME is now different because I am not just a ME anymore, I’m a Mom. So the saga complicates. They’ve sweetened the deal.

If dealing with doubts and innaccuracies on a day to day basis weren’t bad enough. I’m always afraid I’m going to fall into the cracks of anothers once present and now future and I’m fighting, fighting, fighting. Struggling not to punish the man I love for the sins he has not committed because those are the men I know. Bad men.

Trying to replace my “I can’t” with “I will and I have to”.

Though not a religious woman, my Mother shared this verse with me and I’ve found it comforting during anxiety attacks like this.

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

The Snorting Gigglesaurus

This is my new Mommy Blog. Feel free to add this to your reader or blogroll if you wish. It will be the location that most pictures of Henry will be uploaded and updates on him will be written.

http://thesnortinggigglesaurus.blogspot.com/

This blog (Miss Priss) will remain active and a reflection of my other side. Please keep reading.

I was feeling rather ambitious today.

Freakin’ Mommy Bloggers ;)

I’m living a double life.

I’m now a Mommy but I’m still the angst filled, pissed off, sarcastic, bitter tongued writer I’ve always been. I do NOT want to muddle my Mommy blogs with my Prissy blogs so I’ve decided to do 2 things: 1.) Keep this blog as my personal journal-esque blog. Keep it full of curse words and whatever I want. 2.) Create a Mommy Blog so that family members and friends can check out all about Henry and his pics.

The new Mommy Blog will be hosted on Blogger and I’ll have a link once it’s up and running.

In NC you keep the AC running until November

‘ve been singing “Get Into the Groove” by Madonna all week because it’s appropriate. All I’m doing this week is getting into the groove as Henry and I figure each other out and work together to make it a good day. I’m not freaking out about house work or laundry right now, but I have been keeping it up. I do it while he’s napping but I only work 15 minutes at a time. Seriously, I set the timer on the oven. This is a www.flylady.net trick that keeps me focused. If I set out to clean the kitchen and don’t set a timer then 2.5 hours later somehow I’m in the guest bedroom with a box of unused appliances cleaning out the closet to fit them in there. I’m not joking.

So yea, that’s working for me this week.

Also, laundry. I do at least a load a day. Thank God we got a new energy efficient model. Not only has Sir Henry added a crapload (pun intended) of laundry to my routine but I am also going through multiple outfit changes a day as well. Yes, I am leading a very glamorous life of being spit up on, peed on and also (eek!) once poo’d on. Gross! Luckily what they say is true, “when it’s your kids, it’s different”. Still really gross, but different.

My incision is still healing up. My doctors appointment this week was awesome and they just told me to keep doing what we were doing and they’ll see me in 3 weeks. I’m still so sore in my abdominal muscles though and it surprises me because some days I feel no pain then the next, ouch.

I do not have a Halloween costume for me or Henry yet! It’s just been the last thing on my mind this year even though I’m a Halloween nut. We usually throw a party but after discussing many times we realized that just wasn’t realistic this year. Our friends J&A are having the party instead and we’ll be going over there for our first party after the Sir was born! He’ll be with us…but you get the idea. If all else fails for me I can be Little Bo Peep or Red Riding Hood but I’ll definitely have to get Henry something. And take lots of pictures. Yes.

Speaking of pictures we finally got a new camera! It’s a Canon Power Shot SD780 IS Digital Elph. It’s sleek and red and has it’s own Wenger (Swiss Army Knife makers) carrying case. I feel all special with my new camera in it’s neoprene wrist case.

I’m a dork.

In Case You’re Wondering

This is what it looks like to be one bad ass baby:

Wowzers

Wow!

Every time I start to write a blog something interrupts me (surprise!). On a good note I am becoming fabulous at multitasking and not to toot my own horn but I was talented at it to begin with.

Sir Henry is great!! He changes a little bit every day and he’s now sporting a mini double chin. This pleases me as it’s a sign he’s eating well. And eat he does. Like, a lot. Every two hours around the clock. We’re working on our night time schedule. As of right now it’s less than desirable, but sometimes that’s just the way it goes.

I love these people who tell me to nap when the baby naps. I know everyone means well and it sounds like GREAT advice but it just doesn’t work for me. I have sleeping problems and naps really confuse my body. Plus it takes me at least an hour to get in the sleep zone even if I am hallucinatory sleepy.

Speaking of naps, I’m sure he’ll be waking up soon. So here’s a little picture of our baby boy having a good hair day.